


Stalling

by Annegsp0983



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Is there kissing in this book?, M/M, Mild Language, One Shot, Yes., anxiety and panic, pining...maybe mutual?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 16:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17811491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annegsp0983/pseuds/Annegsp0983
Summary: Oikawa and Iwaizumi have to come to terms with parting ways to go to university sometime, right?





	Stalling

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: Nailed it.  
> Hoo boy I am a summarizing wizard.  
> Seriously, I typed this thing out two years ago, back-burner'd it, and finally re-visited it last week. I fixed a few things, probably didn't fix everything, but nobody's perfect. *shrugs*  
> I think I probably rated this too high, but my language is awful, and well there is some makin' out...so I didn't want to ruin anyone's day with that. Also, angst is my thing, so I hope you guys enjoy it. There is some mild anxiety shit and panic, but I don't think it gets TOO descriptive- but it's there.  
> I love these two and their whole friendship dynamic. I really wanted to explore their thoughts and feelings toward a pretty pivotal point in their lives (graduation).  
> So I got a bit overwhelmed at the idea of researching actual universities in Japan, so I took some creative liberties and made my own shit up. (The wonderful thing about writing fiction...) Please forgive me if I get anything wrong culturally! (I'm just a weeb, loving some volleydorks.)
> 
> (insert disclaimer about my inability to stop putting commas everywhere here...)

 

Oikawa Tohru was bored. He was at a cafe with...what was her name again? This was the 4th in a chain of girls in his class that had for lack of a better term pushed themselves onto him after their loss to Karasuno at the Interhigh semifinals. He was desperate to find something to distract himself from his frustrations.

“Are you even listening, Oikawa-san?” The girl had an angry frown on her face. Well it wasn't like he HAD been listening to her...or any of the others for that matter.

“Sorry, I was distracted by your beauty.” Her face turned red and she looked down at her lap.

Too easy. Wasn't talking to girls supposed to be exciting? When did the giddy, racing-heart, sweaty palms stuff happen? He tipped the girl’s chin up. Maybe this one will get lightheaded and faint like the last girl. The girl did not move as Oikawa kissed her.

Nothing.

He leaned back and exhaled. Enough of this shit.

“Sorry, this doesn't seem to be what you wanted.” Oikawa stood up and walked out of the cafe, leaving money at the counter for their food. He pulled his jacket collar up against the wind and started walking home. His parents were gone for the next week on a mini vacation. It was not a big deal for Oikawa to be left home alone. His parents knew he was a responsible teenager and to be honest, he was always one of three places if not at home: the gym practicing volleyball, school, or the Iwaizumi household.

Oikawa turned a corner and grinned. His best friend, Iwaizumi Hajime was walking ahead of him. Oikawa started to call out, but froze as a girl strolled over, tugging on Iwaizumi’s sleeve. He stopped and smiled at her. They spoke for a few moments before they continued to walk on.

Oikawa's chest hurt. What were they talking about? Iwaizumi never said anything about a girlfriend… Oikawa was too far away to hear their conversation. He didn't want to get so close that they would see him, but he really wanted to know what was going on. Why did he want to know? Why did the sight of Iwaizumi speaking to a girl make him feel ill? What the hell was going on?

Oikawa whipped around, stalking in the opposite direction. He couldn't keep watching this. He made his way home along side streets, purposefully avoiding the street Iwaizumi lived on that was near his own home. He went inside, and locked the door. Oikawa felt like he was going to be sick.

_Iwa-chan is my friend. Why am I so upset that he might have a girlfriend?_ He retreated up the stairs to his room, setting his bag down. Before he could get too deep into his thoughts, his phone buzzed in his pocket impatiently.

 

_(Iwa-chan): How did your date go?_ OIkawa stared at his phone. What was he supposed to say? That he hated it? It was a waste of his time?

_(Trashykawa): Like all the others...boring._

_(Iwa-chan): You keep playing around you're gonna get a reputation, Shittykawa._

_(Trashykawa): We didn't do anything. Who cares?_

_(Iwa-chan): Why do you keep going out with these girls if it is such a bore?_

_(Trashykawa): Idk, because I can?_

_(Iwa-chan): Ugh. You're home?_

_(Trashykawa): Why, you gonna come punch me for being manipulative?_

 

Oikawa snorted, setting his phone on the desk. Iwaizumi was always worried about what other people thought. Oikawa was as well, but he was able to hide his cares under a flippant attitude much better than his friend. A knock at the door signaled Iwaizumi's arrival. Oikawa padded down the stairs, opened the front door, and Iwaizumi stepped inside. Before he slid off his shoes, he poked a finger against Oikawa's chest.

“You're an ass. Being manipulative is going to catch you at some point.” Oikawa gave him a placating smile. It didn't look like Iwaizumi was buying it, but he continued on with the front.

“Now now, did Iwa-chan come all the way over here just to tell me that?” Iwaizumi frowned and started up the steps after slipping off his shoes.

“I came over because you're acting weird.” Oikawa followed after him, heart starting to hammer in his chest. The last thing Oikawa wanted was to discuss WHY he was acting weird.

“Why do you say that?” He cracked his knuckles, hoping his best friend would simply assume it was because Oikawa was still upset from their loss at Interhigh. Iwaizumi paused at Oikawa’s bedroom door, scowl turning his features down.

“Because you're my friend, and you're acting weird. You've been off since...since we lost.” Iwaizumi looked at him, then at his feet. “It was damn hard losing that game, but shit happens.” Oikawa started to laugh it off, but Iwaizumi stopped him. “I am worried about you. You keep too much shit inside.” Oikawa felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest. That was the understatement of the century. It was so much more than the Interhigh loss.

While Oikawa was frustrated and upset over their loss, life and volleyball promised to go on. He didn't want to think about choosing one of the myriad of universities scouting him. He didn't want to consider choosing a field of study.

More importantly, why did if feel like he couldn't breathe around Iwaizumi lately? He pushed his bedroom door open and brushed past Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan worries too much. I'm fine.” He smirked and flopped on a cushion next to the low table in his room. He kicked a beanbag toward his friend. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and picked up a disc from his desk.

“You're not acting like you're fine. How many times have you watched this?” His green eyes scrolled over the disc, examining it like it was more than their final game versus Karasuno. Oikawa knew it was useless to lie to Iwaizumi. He could always tell when Oikawa was giving him the 'Captain' front. It didn't stop him from trying to cover up his insecurities.

“Ugh Iwa-chaaaan...I only watched it once.” More like twenty times so far. “And I told you, I am fine.”

Oikawa was far from fine. He couldn't stop obsessing over every mistake he had made in the match. 5 service errors. Two botched receives. 7 tosses that were not good enough so the spikers did not hit optimally….that was only the first set.

It was HIS fault they had lost. He was the Captain and their setter. He was supposed to carry his team, not cause them to lose. He should have practiced more...watched more footage of Karasuno. Less mistakes. Less bad judgment calls. He had to get better.

“You haven't committed to a university yet, either. Schools are going to think you're getting cold feet.” Iwaizumi sat on the floor against the bean bag and stretched his arm. He caught Oikawa giving him a scrutinizing look. His shoulder had been stiff since he landed funny after a receive in practice this week.

“Here you are, mother henning over me, and you're hurt.” Iwaizumi frowned at his concern. Oikawa noticed everything. How could he not? His attention to detail is what made him one of the best setters in the prefecture.

“It is only a bruise. I had it looked at yesterday.” He rolled the shoulder. “Where are you going to go?” Iwaizumi was obviously not finished dragging all of Oikawa's fears into the light. He exhaled slowly and rested his head on another cushion while he pondered the question.

Oikawa didn't know. The university he wanted to attend didn't scout Iwaizumi. His mouth opened, but he did not speak. He knew the day had come when they couldn't play together anymore. That didn't make it hurt any less. Deep down, he wished stalling would change things. Oikawa knew it wouldn't work like that in the end and he would eventually have to make a choice. He swallowed.

“Tokyo Southern seems like the best choice.” He mumbled. His voice felt thick. Iwaizumi made an amused sound.

“That is a good school. I heard they scouted that Bokuto guy from Furukodani...he looks like a beast on films.” Iwaizumi had his head tipped back, staring at the ceiling. Oikawa felt light headed as anxiety began to creep in. Time to change the subject before it got any worse.

“Is your family going on vacation before you start University?” Well that was a shitty choice... That wasn't obvious at all he was trying to avoid discussing the future. Iwaizumi didn't seem to notice, or if he did he chose to say nothing.

“Maybe. What about yours?” Oikawa drummed his fingers on his thigh. Changing the subject of conversation had only fueled his anxiety. He couldn't handle it anymore.

“Put the disc in.” He needed to hear about how shitty he had played from Iwaizumi. It was HIS fault, after all. Iwaizumi sat up, frowning at him.

“No. Why would you want to watch that? All it is going to do is upset you.” Oikawa pushed himself up onto all fours and held out his hand.

“I need to watch it with you.” Desperation flooded his voice. Iwaizumi shook his head.

“No you don't.” Oikawa scooted closer and gestured at the disc. Guilt at his behavior flushed his face, but he could not stop it.

“Yes I do.” He pressed, reaching for the disc, and Iwaizumi pulled his hand away.

“No, Oikawa, you don't.” Oikawa lunged for the disc, knocking Iwaizumi away from the beanbag and pinning him on the floor.

“Yes I DO! I need you to see that I am not that great!” Oikawa's face contorted in anguish. He was losing grip on the tight rein kept on his emotions. “You have to see that it is all my fault that we lost! I screwed up our chance at nationals, and now we will never play together again!” His hands clutched Iwaizumi’s shirt, wrinkling the fabric. “I wasn't good enough…” He was running out of momentum. “I've never been good enough…” He buried his face against Iwaizumi’s chest and sobbed as devastation caught him. How could Iwaizumi not see what Oikawa did? Why wasn't he berating him, pointing out all the mistakes like Oikawa expected? Iwaizumi was always blunt and honest with him, why was he pulling his punches now?

 

Iwaizumi remained quiet while Oikawa poured out his emotions. He knew his best friend had been hiding how upset he was, but not to this extent. Oikawa choked out a sob as Iwaizumi's arms wrapped around his shoulders. How long had OIkawa been keeping this crushing defeat to himself? This went much deeper than their Interhigh loss. Iwaizumi knew his best friend expected perfection from himself, and did whatever it took to attain it. Had the constant strain of practice and chasing his desires to be the best finally prove to be too much? Iwaizumi's fingers stroked through the hair on the back of Oikawa's head, and he whimpered into the touch.

So they would not get to experience the National Tournament. Fine. Not really fine, but that was life. There would always be someone out there better than you. Iwaizumi understood this.

They obviously were going to different universities. As much as that ached, Iwaizumi had been preparing himself for their inevitable parting of ways.

There was another issue between them that was trying to rise to the surface, and Iwaizumi was unsure about how to approach it. Listening to Oikawa talk about his feelings, general boredom and indifference to the throngs of girls around him confused Iwaizumi.

First off, how could you be indifferent about a throng of beautiful girls chasing you around with snacks?!? Iwaizumi had seen most of the girls and they were all quite attractive. Strangely enough, Oikawa never seemed to give them a second glance. He barely remembered the names of the few he had taken out on dates! Their friends would discuss the every-growing mob, picking out their favorites. Even when asked, Oikawa would give some airy retort that deferred, leaving the actual question unanswered.

Second, maybe Oikawa didn't like girls? This wasn't the first time Iwaizumi had wondered about his friend's orientation (or his own). If that was how he felt, where did Iwaizumi fit into everything? They had been friends their entire lives. Sure Oikawa was a bit eccentric and obsessive about things, but wasn't everyone? Iwaizumi didn't want to say anything and judge the entire situation wrong...but he wanted Oikawa to feel safe talking to him about difficult things. Iwaizumi wasn't sure how he would respond if Oikawa ever asked a guy (or him) out on a date, but he would be supportive...

That is what best friends were for, right?

Oikawa always seemed like the type of person that would emotionally break under the strain of keeping up a normal front. Iwaizumi had watched him struggle over the years with self worth and his abilities as a player. Iwaizumi tried to be as supportive as he could, while not letting Oikawa be completely dependent on him to fix everything. You had to be responsible for your own actions, after all.

Oikawa sat up and wiped his face on his sleeve pulling Iwaizumi from his deep thoughts. He stared at Iwaizumi for a moment and scooted onto the floor.

“Why won't you tell me it was my fault?” He questioned with a brittle voice. He kept his back toward Iwaizumi, head ducked low. Iwaizumi sat up and rubbed the back of his head where it had bumped the floor.

“Because you're not the only one who made mistakes in that game, Tohru.” Oikawa's shoulders flinched at the use of his given name. “Therefore, it is not all your fault...” He picked up the disc and set it on Oikawa's desk. “If you only watched it once, you would have noticed that I made some pretty bad mistakes, too.” Oikawa sniffled, shaking his his light brown hair. Iwaizumi didn't want to argue. He reached out and squeezed his friend's sagging shoulder.

“Want me to stay over?” Oikawa's chin rested on the back of Iwaizumi's hand.

“Is it okay with your mom?” Iwaizumi pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“I'm sure it is. I'll call and check.” Oikawa's chin stayed put, so Iwaizumi did not retract his hand. The phone rang on the other end of the line.

“Hi Mom. I am gonna stay at Tohru's house tonight.” Iwaizumi saw Oikawa sneaking a glance at him. “Yeah.” He shot his friend a grin when his mom ordered him to bring Oikawa over for breakfast in the morning. “Yes Mom...Love you, goodnight.” He ended the call, finally sliding his hand off Oikawa's shoulder. He set his phone on the desk next to a pile of game discs and looked at Oikawa.

“Mom said you have to come over for breakfast tomorrow.” Oikawa nodded. His face was blotchy and eyes puffy. “Look,” Iwaizumi had no idea where he was going with this. He fidgeted with his hands awkwardly before continuing, “Things are gonna be okay, alright?” Oikawa's throat bobbed as he swallowed.

“You think?” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“I guess, but what good will it do to sit here and freak out about shit that might not even happen?” He held out a hand. “You should wash your face...” Oikawa took his hand, getting to his feet. He did not meet Iwaizumi's stare.

“You can take a shower first. Do you want to sleep in my brother's room?” Iwaizumi grunted. Oikawa could be three steps way from death, and still worry about someone else instead.

“Eh...I will drag the extra futon in here.” He never really understood why Oikawa would offer his older brother's now vacant room to sleep in. Maybe he just wanted Iwaizumi to know he could have the privacy of his own room if he wanted it? He reached into a drawer, pulling out clean clothes he left at Oikawa's house for their sleepovers.

 

 

Iwaizumi walked back into Oikawa's room after taking a shower. Oikawa was curled up under a blanket on his futon.

“Go take a shower, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi prodded him through the blanket. The spare futon was laid out and had a blanket and a pillow folded on top. “I told you I would get the spare futon out.” He rubbed his foot on Oikawa's shoulder roughly.

“Iwa-chaaaaan stooooop.” Oikawa's whining was muffled by several blankets. It still sounded like he had been crying. Iwaizumi started pulling the blankets off.

“If you don't shower, then I will start calling you Stinkykawa...or Oinkawa...” Oikawa's head popped out of the blankets. He scowled at Iwaizumi.

“Don't you dare call me that!” Iwaizumi reached down, yanking him to his feet. He smirked at his best friend's ire over being called 'Oinkawa'. For some odd reason, that name in particular rankled Oikawa more than others.

“Then go take a shower...” Oikawa snorted and stalked out of the room.

 

While Oikawa was showering Iwaizumi slid a photo album off Oikawa's shelf. It contained all their volleyball photos since they started playing as kids. He leafed through it quietly. It ached to think about parting ways in college. Iwaizumi snapped the album shut and shoved it back on the shelf. Raw feelings of defeat and insecurity began to surface looking at their gap-toothed smiles and gangly limbs. He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in his throat before Oikawa returned.

It would be hard adjusting to a new setter, but Iwaizumi had little doubts that he could fit in with a new team. He had even fewer doubts about Oikawa getting along with a new team. That manipulative jerk would have them eating out of his hand within a week. Convincing Oikawa that he could do it presented a different challenge though.

“Does Iwa-chan want to smell me to make sure I am clean enough?” Oikawa quipped as he walked into the bedroom. He was rubbing a towel through his light brown hair.

“Put a shirt on.” Iwaizumi kicked the beanbag at him.

“Why should I put a shirt on? It's not like we don't change around each other at practice.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, keeping them on his friend's teasing smile. He wasn't about to get caught staring at Oikawa's chest...

“Modesty?” He offered with a grunt when Oikawa flopped down beside him. “Do you even know what that is?”

“Of course I do. I am quite modest.” Oikawa pursed his lips in mock irritation.

“You're still wet...go dry your hair.” Oikawa rubbed his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder cackling like this wasn't something he did on purpose since they were in elementary school.

“It's not THAT wet.”

“Augh! STOP SHITTYKAWA!” He shoved Oikawa off the futon. “Why do I put up with your bullshit? You got my shirt wet.” A grin played at the corners of his mouth. Oikawa flashed the tip of his tongue between his teeth then headed for his bedroom door.

“I win.”

 

After showering was completed, and a pizza delivered, Oikawa scrolled through the movie options for the evening. As usual, Iwaizumi did not have much of a preference, so Oikawa chose. The evening started out with the two teens watching some scary movie where people were crawling out of air ducts and televisions.

It was a bit too intense.

After the wind blew a trashcan over outside which caused two solid minutes of screaming and tripping over each other to go hide in his brother's room, they both decided to change the movie to something less terrifying. Why THAT room was deemed the safe place, neither one could explain why. Once re-situated on their futons in Oikawa's room, he scrolled through movies again.

“What about the one where the monsters come out of the ocean and they fight them with the robots?” Iwaizumi gave his friend a flat look.

“You described about 75% of the movies and anime series in Japan, dumbass.” Oikawa clicked on a movie.

“No Iwa-chan...this one came out in America...I heard it was good. Mattsu-chan and Maki-chan said they liked it.” He tilted his head at Iwaizumi like a curious puppy. Oikawa knew he was a sucker for giant monster shit. Iwaizumi sniffed, hiding his eagerness.

“Fine.” He straightened out the blankets. “You better turn on the damn subtitles. I can't keep up with English like you.” Oikawa sat back next to him.

“ _What? Iwa-chan can't speak English well?_ ” He taunted.

“Quit.” It always rankled Iwaizumi that Oikawa picked up English so easily. The language was so weird and nonsensical...exactly why Oikawa understood it so well.

This movie was significantly less terrifying and much more giant monster versus robot filled than the previous choice. It held their attention, and Iwaizumi didn't have much issue keeping up, thanks to the subtitles.

The credits rolled and Oikawa turned off the tv. He rolled onto his back, snagging a volleyball off the floor. He started tossing it up in the air.

“Do you think we could do something like that?” Iwaizumi shrugged, leaning back on his elbows.

“Pilot a giant robot that is meant to battle monsters? Or be in perfect sync?” Oikawa gave a quiet snort.

“Pilot a giant robot and save the world, duh.” Oikawa caught the ball and stared at him. “We're already in perfect sync...” Iwaizumi felt his face getting hot. He snatched the ball away and tossed it in the air.

“I think we could. You would probably get scared of the monsters, though.” Oikawa shoved him with a foot and grabbed the ball out of the air.

“I would not. As long as Iwa...” He trailed off, voice catching. He slapped the ball to the floor by his desk. Heat flooded to his face and prickled behind his eyes.

“We should go to sleep so your Mom doesn't scold us tomorrow.” Oikawa mumbled with a quiet voice as he switched off the light and crawled onto his futon. “Good night Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi rolled onto his side and pulled his blanket up.

“Good night Oikawa.”

 

Oikawa couldn't sleep. His mind kept racing, replaying the game versus Karasuno repeatedly. It began to repeat on his mistakes instead of cycling through the entire game.

_Why am I even trying to play at university? I am not good enough._ He shook his head trying to get the condemning thoughts out of his mind. They grew more intense. Soon, all the mistakes were joined by previous year's errors and losses. Oikawa wanted to scream. Everything streaming through his thoughts was done, over, finished. Why wouldn't it leave him alone? 

_How am I going to survive without Iwaizumi there to help me? We've always been together._ Oikawa's face grew warm and he buried his face in his pillow to stop the tears. How was he going to make it without Iwaizumi? He couldn't. He was so used to having his best friend beside him as a solid ally the thought of embarking on a chapter of his life alone was terrifying and isolating.

There was no way they could go to the same school and play volleyball, either. Oikawa had been scouted by high profile universities. The school Iwaizumi was scouted by had passed Oikawa up completely. Besides, they already had a talented setter that was only a second year.

It wasn't playing volleyball without Iwaizumi that terrified Oikawa. It was not having him close for support. He knew Iwaizumi was more patient than he needed to be when Oikawa was in a rough mood. When the anxiety began to smother him, Iwaizumi was there reminding him that things were not so tough. That Oikawa could handle it.

_What am I going to do without him?_

Along with the fear of isolation, there was another thought straining to get loose.

_What if Iwaizumi gets a girlfriend and doesn't want to be around me anymore?_ He grit his teeth against a sob. Iwaizumi was his best friend. Recently, Oikawa had began to wonder if he felt more than that. What if the feelings of adoration for his closest friend were more than just platonic affection?

_I don't care about all those stupid girls. I never wanted their attention. I didn't ask for every girl in school to suddenly start following me around expecting a date!_

Were the feelings that were beginning to float to the surface more than caring for a friend? Was it a crush? Was it love? 

Dammit, of all people to fall in love with...your best friend had to be the absolute worst! If the feelings weren't mutual, then it would ruin the friendship.

_I can't tell him how I feel. There is no way Iwaizumi shares my feelings, whatever they are... He will reject me and our friendship will be over. Shit._ Oikawa did his best to muffle his sobs in the pillow.

_I only want Iwaizumi to accept me._

 

Iwaizumi had to pee. He rolled onto his back and stretched. It was still dark out. He could see a few stars out the window.

_Probably 3-4 in the morning._ He remained still when muffled sobs wafted over from Oikawa's futon.

_Oikawa must be struggling with everything._ Iwaizumi decided his strained bladder needed attention before he dealt with is distraught friend. He crawled to his feet and padded down the hall to the bathroom. 

 

Oikawa froze as he heard Iwaizumi get up and walk to the bathroom. The door clicked shut, and he scrubbed at his face frantically. In lieu of tissues, Oikawa yanked his shirt off, using it to wipe his nose. The sound of water running urged Oikawa to hurry in his attempts to hide his distress. He flung his shirt across the room toward the hamper and flopped over as the bathroom door opened. Curled back under his blankets, he held his breath as Iwaizumi returned to the room. Oikawa waited for him to lay back down.

 

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa's figure curled up on the futon. It was obvious he was awake and holding perfectly still. Iwaizumi shook his head and exhaled a resigned breath.

_Dummy. You shouldn't deal with this alone._

 

Oikawa felt his face and ears flush red as Iwaizumi pulled the blanket back, curling up against him. His heart topped out at a dizzying pace and his palms got even sweatier than they had been from crying for two hours.

_Shit! Did I wake him up? I don't want him to know I have been crying for the past two hours...shit...shit...what do I do?_ Oikawa stifled a yelp as Iwaizumi rested his forehead against his back. His breath was soft against his skin. He felt Iwaizumi's legs curl beneath his feet.

_Oh shit. He is gonna notice I am sweaty and gross from crying. Dammit._ Oikawa clenched his hands, fretting.

“You took your shirt off again, Trashykawa...” Iwaizumi mumbled. “Zero modesty.”

“Wha?” Oikawa hoped it didn't sound like he had been crying. (It did.)

“You're all sweaty.” Iwaizumi yawned, snuggling closer. Oikawa was sure his heart rate was surpassing that of a humming bird at this point. A small part of him was relishing in the contact, while the majority of him was in a full-on panic.

“S-sorry.” He stammered. Iwaizumi ruffled his hand through Oikawa's hair.

“Dumbass, you don't have to hide it.” Iwaizumi said low. “I am sad we are going to different schools, but this isn't the end of things. We're still us.” He paused. It was becoming difficult to speak without choking up.

_Keep it together Hajime. Don't start crying. You're trying to calm him down, not make him cry more, dummy!_ His chiding didn't work. Oikawa felt Iwaizumi's breath stutter on his back. He rolled over and the last morsel of Iwaizumi's resolve crumbled. Once the tears started, they would not stop. Iwaizumi covered his face with his hands, sobbing through his despair. 

_Dammit. Dammit. Stop crying._

 

“Don't cry Iwa-chan, I'm fine...” Oikawa put his hands over Iwaizumi's trying to pry them away gently. Iwaizumi shook his head, turning away.

“We will still be best friends, no matter what.” Iwaizumi spoke with a tight voice. Oikawa wanted to vomit. He had been so wrapped up in feeling sorry for himself, he had forgotten that Iwaizumi was going to be alone as well. His selfishness had caused him to overlook that the grief at suddenly being apart was not as one-sided as he thought. Oikawa felt even worse. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears.

“I'm sorry I am a bad friend!” Oikawa sobbed. “I've been so selfish and only thinking about my own sadness...how could I forget...” Iwaizumi shook his head once.

“S'okay...” He mumbled. Oikawa jerked upright.

“No it's not!” He cried. “I am a terrible friend.” His hand gripped Iwaizumi's arm. “I always drag you through everything, and expect you to fix it when things aren't going right.” He put his head on Iwaizumi's chest. “Please forgive me, Hajime...” Iwaizumi sat up and grabbed his shoulders.

“You dumbass Shittykawa...you're not a bad friend. Stop saying that!” Iwaizumi gave him a soft shake. He cut his gaze away from Oikawa. “You're the best friend I could ever ask for. I don't mind helping you when you need it. Never ever think I don't want you as my friend because you are having trouble. That's what friends do! They help each other.” His voice wavered and he pulled Oikawa into a tight hug.

This was by far the most physical affection Iwaizumi had ever shown anyone aside from his parents in his entire life. He could feel Oikawa's heart hammering against his ribs, his shaky hands clutching at the back of his shirt. He hoped Oikawa didn't freak out from the unexpected touch. Oikawa usually kept everyone at arms length, initiating contact in the form of slaps on the back, or the occasional pat on the shoulder, but for the most part, he was not big on touching. Iwaizumi leaned back, holding him by the shoulders. Oikawa's lashes fluttered before his brown eyes shifted down to his hands.

“I don't want you to worry about me...” His voice was small.

“Then talk to me, dumbass.” Iwaizumi wiped his face on his sleeve before offering a fist. “Promise?” Oikawa lifted his hand and tapped his fist against Iwaizumi's.

“Promise.” Iwaizumi nodded. He gave an amused chuckle.

“Aren't we a giant mess...” Iwaizumi leaned over, fetching his pillow from his futon. 

“Iwa-chan...” Oikawa's long fingers brushed along his cheek. Iwaizumi gasped as Oikawa's lips brushed against his with a hesitant kiss. Neither of them moved for a moment, breath mingling. Iwaizumi's vision flicked between Oikawa's mouth and his smoldering brown eyes.

_What in the actual fuck just happened?_ Iwaizumi had no time to ponder as Oikawa leaned in, pressing soft lips against his again. 

Iwaizumi was frozen. He could not get his limbs to respond to the quite unexpected kiss. What was he supposed to do?

What did he WANT to do?

Did he want to push his friend away, or did he want Oikawa to continue to kiss him? Iwaizumi leaned back, licking his lips. He really didn't want to stop, but shouldn't they discuss this first?

“Oi...” He swallowed thickly, “What, what was that?”

 

Oikawa stared at his very disoriented friend, his pulse's thrum dampening the hesitant questions. He worked his lower lip between his teeth.

There were the butterflies he had been searching for.

Oikawa's heart was racing as he realized all the indifference toward admirers he was accustomed to was no longer there. Kissing Iwaizumi had started a fire in Oikawa that he had never experienced before. He pressed their foreheads together before catching Iwaizumi's lips again.

 

“Hey...wait...” Iwaizumi murmured, leaning back onto his elbows to give himself some breathing room. He was torn. While Oikawa kissing him at some point in his life was not unexpected, now that it was actually happening...he wasn't so sure as to how to handle it. He studied Oikawa's face- his cheeks were flushed and eyes ablaze. It made Iwaizumi's stomach flutter with that same nervous excitement that he felt before an important volleyball match...only much more intense. When Iwaizumi was unable to piece together a coherent thought, Oikawa kissed him again, tongue running along his lips. He parted his lips, and Oikawa licked into his mouth. His hands slid the shirt up Iwaizumi's chest.

“That was my shirt...” Iwaizumi mumbled against Oikawa's lips.

“Um hmmm.” Oikawa was making it hard for him to focus on anything but hot lips sucking kisses along his neck. Iwaizumi brushed Oikawa's hand off his chest.

“Seriously, Oi-” Oikawa silenced him with another kiss. 

_God his lips are soft. Dammit Hajime stop this! You need to talk about this..._ Iwaizumi was losing the battle of having a sensible discussion before embarking on some sort of passionate adventure. Oikawa trailed kisses down his neck. 

“We should ta-talk about this...”

“Hmm later...” OIkawa's lips traced over Iwaizumi's chest. Oikawa's thigh rubbed against Iwaizumi's dick, causing two things to happen:

      1. Iwaizumi released a hoarse groan of pleasure, grinding himself against Oikawa's thigh.

      2. Oikawa.exe overclocked for a solid five-count after realizing how much Iwaizumi was enjoying this.




Oikawa sat back, straddling his friend's thighs. His gaze dropped to Iwaizumi's dick pressed against the fabric of his pajama pants. Oikawa stared at it, reaching out.

“Don't!” Iwaizumi shoved him back, scuttling away from him. Iwaizumi pulled his knees at his chest, clutching a pillow defensively. He was mortified that he had not only popped a boner making out with his BEST FRIEND, what in the actual fuck was he doing rubbing himself on Oikawa's thigh? Iwaizumi didn't do things like that...EVER. His face was an unhealthy shade of red, hell, even his forearms were red.

 

Oikawa felt his mouth go dry watching Iwaizumi color with embarrassment.

He fucked up.

He had overstepped, pushing his friend into something he didn't want to do. Shame flushed Oikawa's face hot. He looked away.

“What...happened?”

“You were gonna touch my dick.” Iwaizumi looked more shocked than angry or hurt...as if he had not expected things to escalate so rapidly.

“Sorry...” He snuck a glance at his friend. “I was kind of surprised?”

“You were surprised?” Iwaizumi spat. “You were the one that kissed me!” Oikawa gave him an exasperated glare.

“It's not like you weren't enjoying it.” Iwaizumi growled, whipping Oikawa with his pillow. Oikawa screeched, trying to scramble for his own pillow. Iwaizumi won in the brute strength department, so Oikawa had to suffer through a few minutes of getting slapped with a pillow. After Iwaizumi felt he had sufficiently punished Oikawa for being an asshole about things, he sat down on the futon.

“You stay there...and keep your...self to yourself.” Iwaizumi jabbed a finger at his friend, cheeks still pink.

“Iwa-chan is not angry with me?” Oikawa propped himself up on his arm.

“Half.” Iwaizumi folded his arms over his chest. “Just half.”

“You're not mad that I kissed you?” Oikawa questioned, caution in his voice.

“No...” Iwaizumi shook his head, “I'm kinda pissed that I was trying to talk to you and you kept going.” He shrugged.

“Do you hate me now?” Iwaizumi frowned at him.

“Why would I hate you for that?” Oikawa blinked in surprise.

“Because I kept kissing you?”

“No, dumbass...I'm pissed you kept going, but I don't hate you for it.”

“You don't hate me because I kissed you?” Iwaizumi shook his head. “You don't hate me because I like guys?” Oikawa asked shyly.

“No. If that is you, then that is fine.”

“You're okay with me liking you?” Oikawa furrowed his brow. That was less terrifying than he had imagined this confession going.

“I am not mad about it. I...I don't know,” Iwaizumi sighed, “This is...I didn't expect this to happen like this? Can I please think about things?”

“Okay.” Oikawa nodded. Relief flooded through him. Regardless of what happened next, knowing Iwaizumi accepted him for who he was comforted Oikawa.

“Then we will talk about it. Because we should talk about it.”

“Kay.” Oikawa nestled into his blankets.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you for being my best friend, Hajime.” Iwaizumi grunted in reply as he pulled the blanket over himself. “Oh Iwa-chan, can I still kiss you?” Oikawa teased from his futon. Iwaizumi wanted to throw his pillow, but it was his only pillow.

“Trashykawa, go to sleep.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Giant thank you for reading! Happy belated Valentine's Day!   
> Kudos/Comments are always appreciated! Thank you for being supportive with my work so far!!!  
> Flames will be put out with rainbow waves of unicorn jizz.  
> A big thank you to Nightwing for allowing me to text you at weird times of the day with random ideas!


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